


*WIP*Uncontrolled Variable:  Jude's Curse

by CheeseSlice



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 14:02:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15686865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheeseSlice/pseuds/CheeseSlice
Summary: Jude Foster has always painted a pretty picture regarding his mental health and overall attitude with everything he's been through to everyone including his boyfriend,  adoptive family,  and even his biological sister. But that masquerade we play isn't always the truth,  is it? Jude is about to break.





	*WIP*Uncontrolled Variable:  Jude's Curse

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever story on here, so go easy on me lol. Also note that this is one chapter of possibly many.  
> Note: this story contains vivid suicide attempts. If this subject matter offends you, please go to another story immediately. You have been warned.  
> *Work In progress*

It was a rainy day in pretty San Diego, California. Ironic, bad things tend to happen on rainy days. No one really knows why it is. The general consensus from scientists is that weather somehow coincides with mood, and gloomy weather such as rain coincides with bad moods. Depressed, unhappy, sad, angry... Maybe even suicidal. You see, mental illness has many variables at play. The uncontrolled variable, the one that can’t be acted upon by any outside force and the most unpredictable one, is, of course, the specific mental illness. Depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, OCD, and so many more are all cards that you get dealt when you were born. You can’t trade them in for anything else. At birth or developed over time, once you have them, they will always be there waiting to erupt. And so brings me to my next variable: Where it manifests from. Maybe you have a bad break up or lose your only source of income. Maybe you get in a traumatic accident and something in your brain clicks. Maybe you make a bad choice one time and it turns into a recurring problem. This is a variable you cannot control, only mother nature can. The third variable is severity. This is how bad it is. Unfortunately, you can’t control this either. It would be nice to say “Alexa, lower my depression severity.”. It doesn’t work that way. However there is one variable you can control. Your reaction. Most people seek out treatment, some seek medication and some seek counsel and some even try both. Sadly, there are some people whose mental illness takes control of their lives and make them emotional messes. Worst of all, there are some people who have mental illness so bad that they resort to ending their life.

Jude Adams-Foster has dealt with terrible depression ever since his mom died. There were many times when he wanted to commit suicide, especially when abused by foster family after foster family. The first time was after actually attempted it was when he was 12. He was ruthlessly beaten by one of his foster fathers. He knew what he was going to do. He learned in science class that your heart is an essential organ and it pumps all of the blood which gives you life throughout your body. The teacher told the class that if your heart gets hurt, you could die. The teacher also told the class where your heart is. So Jude was going to take a butcher knife and stab himself in the heart. He knew it would be slow and painful, but he knew it would work. As he walked in the kitchen and approached the butcher knife, he stared at it very intently. In that very moment, he felt as if it was just him and that knife in the entire universe. Nothing else existed. It looked sharper and bigger up close. A glimmer in the stainless steel blade caught his eye. He reached for the knife and gripped the handle in his tiny prepubescent hand. A tear streaked down his cheek. “So this is it.” He picked the knife up. Jude closed his eyes. He streatched his arms outward with the point of the blade dead-center in front of his chest.

Jude heard foot steps approaching, so he hurried the knife back in the rack and shuffled over to the refrigerator and flung the door open. He knew it was his dad. He figured his dad would be more mad if he saw him "playing" with a butcher knife. "What the fuck are you doing you little shit?! Why aren't you cleaning the fucking dishes?!" 


End file.
